The word “No”
I read a piece on this word by another fellow blogger and liked his ideas so much, that I figured I would throw my 2 cents at trying to explain this word as well.
This word is complex and tricky at best. It has a ton of different meanings and that’s not too bad, considering it’s only 2 letters long. This word is best described as misleading and confusing at times and I will explain what I mean.
This word was taught to us at a young age, we learned that no means just that, “no”. End of story. If mom or dad says no, you only have a few choices. One is to whine like an idiot and try and get them to change their minds, but this normally results in further agitation and the same response and a swift smack on the head from mom. Or you can just except it for face value, like we are taught to, and say, “ok” as you walk away with your tail between your legs.
“No” is a word that gets different meanings attached to it as we grow older though. And I hate to say it, but mostly these other connotations are added by women. (Ok I am lying, I don't hate to say it, haha) We start to realize as we are going through high school and into college that “no” actually means “yes” to some girls. Like “no, you can do that.” Which most of us know that if it’s accompanied by a ‘lip biting gesture’ then it really means “Yes, please do that, I actually like it a lot.”
So then we, “we” being males, start to push the boundaries and always go through a “no” like it’s a “yes.” And this works great for most of us, especially for the duration of college. I mean we have been trained by women to go further when hearing this queue. But then there comes a time where we get thrown a curve ball and a “no” is supposed to mean an actual “no” again. We bite her ear or nibble on something a bit too hard, she says “no” and we go harder…. Oops. You can’t really blame us can you? I mean you taught us...
So why do girls do that to boys? Is it because some girls don’t actually know what they want? They climb on you one minute and kiss you almost uncontrollably and then tell you “no” the next minute and actually mean it. What gives? And I know any girl reading this has definitely done this before, you can’t deny it. It’s the meanest trick in the book. I mean what would you do if a guy played the game called, “just the tip, just for a minute, just to see how it feels” with you? I am sure you would go nutz on him. But don’t ask why any guy would do that? Unless for payback.. muwahaha!
Either way I think life would be better if girls didn’t expect us guys to be mind readers. I mean we sometimes have trouble working the television and drinking a beer while listening to you talk. Just playing, but seriously I can’t concentrate when Sportscenter is on?
Posted in: fun, mean, men, play, random thought, relationship, women, words on Friday, May 22, 2009 at at 2:01 PM
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I totally agree with this post. Yes, women do it and it's dumb as h e double hockeysticks.
I think women do it bc we know mentally we should not be doing it but it feels so good that all we need is for you to keep doing it and you'll get that yes.
Yes, dumb I know.
hahaha, I love this game to be honest, but I have to make fun of it. Because sometimes that 'ohh so thin line' becomes blurred..
So you plac this often? And all you have to do, if you're a male, is to keep doing it until we get the ever coveted "yes!"
@Bamer: No, it depends on the situation. lol.
When I lost my virginity I was into it and said no once clothes were off and he kept going so it turned into a yes.
once while celibate, I was making out with this guy.. hard cord. I told him he wasn't getting any but proceeding to kiss him. He got a little too hot and bothered so I had to quit him. In that case, no means no. lol
There's really no way you can tell which one we mean. (Adding even more confusing to the pot!)
Haha, Nicki is right. Sometimes no really does mean no, sometimes it means "maybe yes, let's see what you're willing to do to get what you want". ;)
Sometimes it's fun to see what creative things a guy will come up with to get around your 'no' - what 'sexual tricks' he has up his sleeve. In that case it's a mutual game though, and you both usually know you're playing it. You're right, Bamer, both sexes like this little game. ;)
I would say one thing though, if a girl says no, and you aren't sure whether she means it, take it as a 'real-no'. If it turns out that is it a 'yeah-no' then she'll probably do something to keep the situation moving forward.
I am calling bull on that one Steph. Alot of times she won't keep it going if it's a yes-no... I have seen it many times first hand..
You stop and she thinks, 'ok' guess he don't want it? And then it's game over and time for bed. 0 for the good guys and 1 point for the bad girls.. ;)
Hmm... actually you may have a point. If a guy stopped in the middle of that, I'd probably be like "Well, um, if you don't want it then, your loss", hahaha.
Sorry, Bamer, there's just no hard or fast rule here. ;) Hopefully you get to a point where you each know each other well enough to know from the situation and the feelings which type of 'no' it is...
Does that point exist? Certainly early in a relationship it is very hard to tell.
But it's important to note that it's a major turn on if you can tell a guy really wants you. That's often how a 'no' can become a 'yes'... especially if he's good at what he's doing. ;)
So a 'no' means a 'yes'?
Sometimes yes, sometimes no... ;)
Good luck. :P
Honestly, these are the sorts of games that drive me absolutely crazy. I hate them.
It reminds me of the guys who rape women because they were wearing sexy clothing. At a certain point, the woman provokes these feelings. However, as it goes further and further, the guy becomes responsible because he went too far and it turned into an incredibly bad situation.
I like honesty, and I don't like games. And to be honest, if you're a woman who wants me, don't play dumb games. Because I don't (usually) play back.
LOL gust! haha... nice response.. :P :P
"I don't play back" bahaha!
I do!
I think that both sexes play the no the game....though not necessarily in the sexual context that's being mostly talked about.
I can think of a few examples where men have said 'no' when they really meant 'yes', or at least should have said 'yes' because it would've been the honest answer.
This is such a wide topic though. Do girls play no sometimes when they want it,sure they do. Sometimes it's a lot of fun to play this game and watch your partner 'squirm'. But some boys do this too.
But the comments about being careful to understand when no really means no are extremely important, especially in sexual contexts. If you know one another well or it is clear to both parties that you're playing the no game then there's no harm done. I think however that it's problematic to assume that all women play the no game because no matter how short her skirt is or how much boob she is showing, she may really mean no. What I'm getting at is that instead of assuming that all girls play the no game all or most of the time, assume that when they say no, they mean no...and if they don't, well, then she'll likely crawl on top of you to get it anyways.
I would suggest getting to know the boundaries and games that each individual you're with likes to play.
Be careful not to assume a common characteristic based on gender, after all assumptions can get people hurt, raped or killed.
True... I agree. Good post Jin.